building 62

Have I mentioned that this sucks?

Well, it does.

It seems as though when we reach a new milestone, it comes with all kinds of really high hurdles to jump over. We've been anticipating discharge for over 6 weeks now. It came yesterday, and with it came a billion appointments and new things to put on our to do list. As if we don't have enough to worry about.

And oh by the way, someone else told us "No, you probably won't PCS here. You'll be attached for at least 180 days, and then we'll decide. But you can go back to Colorado for your MedBoard process if you want." Over.It.

My dog pees in my parents house. They shouldn't have to deal with that. I still haven't gotten our new Colorado registration stickers which expire after tomorrow. I already feel bad for the cop who pulls me over for that. Now we don't know when he can start school because we don't know where we'll be or for how long. I'm worried about him having some TBI. This is not home. Showering in a handicapped shower is miserable. His wheelchair runs in to everything. I need to go to Target like whoa, but there are too many appointments.

Yesterday I went to L&D Triage because they've made me paranoid with this whole cervical shortening and funneling thing. The doctor there measured it at over 3cm which is perfectly normal. Frustrating. But, hopefully one less thing to worry about.

I finally verbalized my frustrations I guess. I need Jason to let me take care of everything, and I need to organize his appointments and medications. But I also need him to try to be involved in trying to remember everything too. Just because I have an innate need to organize and control things, I need him to at least try, instead of letting me take the reins. Then I feel like I'm the only one doing it, and then I feel like my head is going to explode. He recognizes this. And I'm so very thankful for that. I need to figure out a way to express my frustrations without making him feel incompetent and useless.

I am a little worried though. He seems very foggy. Just can't remember anything or gets confused really easily. Appointments, meetings, etc. It could very well be the medications he's on. It could also be just the mere fact that he hasn't had to remember anything for the past 6 weeks. He thinks a lot slower than he used to, and it takes him much longer than usual to focus and remember things. It usually takes me saying it a couple times before he remembers, and by then I'm frustrated and my voice has that tone that he hates. And then he feels bad because he couldn't remember.

So our day started at 0700 and was filled with nonstop appointments until we got back to the room around 1600. It seemed like every appointment we went to wanted us to schedule another appointment with another service, and all the sudden all of next week is full too. And don't forget about the wonderful inprocessing checklist we have to do. Go here, here, and here, and get their signatures. And go to these briefs. And get a new ID card ASAP. "I wouldn't want to be caught on a military base walking around without an ID card." says his squad leader. Really? You don't think this is a special situation? Or, when they issue temporary cards, make them last longer than a month. And, he'll be promoted on Saturday. So can't we just wait till Monday instead of having to go back and get another one?! Not in the Army's brain. But we'll probably wait anyway. And go to the DMV because we still can't park in any handicapped spots even though I've been really tempted. You'd think they'd have someone on base to give those out.

He's sad that he can't help. We had to move everything from the hospital and hotel room yesterday, and he couldn't really do much. Plus, the meds make him pretty tired, and he fell asleep twice throughout the evening. I don't know, but as a man, I'm pretty sure that's not what you want to be feeling.

He's got so many appointments now that I'll have to go to my appointment next week alone. And I'm sad about that. I feel like saying, "come on, I only have one, can't we work around that?!" But, it's not about me.

I need for him to be back in Afghanistan when everything was normal. Normal for us. I need for us to be the way we were. I need for him to start remembering things better. I need for him to not have any TBI. I need for him to have his foot back. I need for everyone else to realize that even the smallest, most insignificant things aren't easy anymore. I need for people to know what we're going through, because I feel like this is a very unfair distribution of life events.

Today while we were meeting with one of the doctors, he was trying to be nice by making conversation, but it didn't help. He was saying "ohh, a baby, those first few years are really hard..." great. Like we didn't think about that before we decided to do this, but we also didn't think about doing it in a foreign place with a million unknowns. Don't they say having a baby is one of the most stressful things you can do in life? So is this. I don't even want to know what else is in store for us for the rest of our lives!

Now there is no structure to my thoughts. So I'll save you from my misery and end this here. Must rest up for another full day of appointments. Can't wait for the weekend, and sleeping in!