Friday, September 26, 2014

Natalie Months 2 & 3

Dear sweet girl,

One of the first things I realized when I became a mommy of two, was how much less I cared about certain things. Not about you, no no. Baths, for example. Now I have to figure out how to manage your brother while bathing you, or vice versa. And, you are rarely dirty…so you get them once or twice a week. Your brother, maybe three times depending on how dirty or sweaty he is! I also care less about leaving you with your daddy. Meaning, I'm more relaxed about letting him feed you a bottle here and there if I'm out running errands and *gasp* I have to skip a feeding…I've been making myself leave more often because staying inside can make one go crazy! Though, getting out and doing takes much more effort than staying in and sitting, it is good for me, and in turn, good for our family.

Which brings me to my next point - after you were born, I'm pretty sure I went through some Post Partum Depression. Nothing like what you would hear about in the news (that's psychosis…and a whole different ball game) but the sitting in the same spot on the couch every day, nursing you for what felt like all day long, praying you would sleep but you wouldn't, etc. Well, frankly, it got old much faster this time around. And it made me wish for you to be older. Once I went back to work, I found a little bit of my old self again, and am happy to say, I believe I'm on the mend. I'm only working two days a week, and I am so grateful that we are able to do that.

Obviously, I'm busier with you than I was with your brother - because now there are two of you! And you both want my full attention all the time! Which is why you are almost four months old, and I'm just now writing about your second and third month.

In your second month - July - we did a lot of what I just described above. We sat on the couch and I nursed you. I desperately tried to get you on a schedule of some sort because I felt the clock ticking for  having to go back to work (though still weeks away). You refused any sort of schedule. You also refused to enjoy anything but being held by your mom or dad. You did start smiling, though.

In your third month - August - we went to the beach! You were baptized by Pastor Finck, who also baptized me, confirmed me, married your dad and I, and baptized your brother! You have two God Mommies, Krystal and Lisa. They are two of the most faithful people I know, and I can't wait for you to get to know them both. I think you enjoyed the beach, although you didn't have much to say about it this year. Your toes touched the Atlantic for the first time, and you cried because it was chilly. You were bathed in the sink at mom moms beach house. You also met your Grandpop and MiMi and your great grandparents from Philadelphia for the first time in Virginia. Your great grand mom made you a beautiful christening dress that I hope you can pass down to your daughter one day. You flew on a plane for the first time and slept the whole way!

You have been spending full days with daddy when I go to work and the first day was rough. Ever since then, though, you've behaved yourself for him for the most part. You are proving to be a little more high maintenance than your brother. But it should be that way, shouldn't it? You are a little princess, after all.

You have been sleeping "through the night" for a while now, I'm not sure when it started officially, because I wouldn't consider it through the night just yet. You sleep from about 7-8pm until 4-5am. And after a feeding, again until 8-9am. But, you wake up around 12-1am and start fussing, looking around for the pacifier that has long since fallen out of your mouth…and then I spend the rest of the early morning putting it back in, about every hour or so. Finally though, my dear girl, this week in fact, you have found your thumb. I could not be more excited, although I'm sure we will pay for it in dentist bills later. Until then, I believe it is an awesome coping mechanism, and I also believe it's why your brother is such a solid sleeper and self entertainer. Or maybe that's just his personality. Either way, today has been monumental in that you have taken three naps in your bed (!!) and for two of them, put yourself to sleep while sucking your thumb! Huge step! For the past three months you would take a long afternoon nap in the swing, and no where else. I even tried to move the swing upstairs so I could get things done downstairs without waking you, and you could tell you weren't around people…and would wake up after about 30 minutes, never to return to dreamland again. There were days when I really thought you would never reach the point of sleeping on your own, and that I would have to hold you until you were a teenager!

You love sitting up straight - and so you've enjoyed the Bumbo chair much more than your brother ever did. You'd much rather be watching everyone moving around the kitchen than laying under your play mat. You love to listen to mommy 'sing' even though my voice is horrible. You will be starting a baby music class next week hopefully!

Something I've been telling myself over and over, "don't wish these moments away" - because I know you will be a rambunctious 2.5 year old before I know it, and I will want to hold you and have you fall asleep on my chest one more time.

You may be high maintenance - and you may not be. I could be blowing it all out of proportion because having two at once is more stressful and I'm having a hard time balancing it all. But you still are our miracle baby. A baby girl I prayed for for so long. And you're here! And I want so badly to not mess anything up. I want our relationship to be strong and great, all the time. I want a baby girl who will be so confident but humble, and smart but kind and gentle. And so you may only be 3 months old, but I am already wishing the world for you. To have a life full of happiness and ease, filled with genuine people and love.

Everything about you is different from your brother, and that is just how it should be. I will constantly struggle with comparing the two of you, but I know deep down there is no comparison. You are both my sweet babies and I will love you both until I can't anymore.

Your dad and I love you to pieces cutie pie. You are a beautiful girl. (And your eyelashes are beautifully long right now!) In my opinion, perfect in every way possible!

Love you Natalie Jane