Friday, December 4, 2009

Army Wife Life

I knew what I was getting myself in to. I thought I did at least. This Army Wife stuff is hard! They always say, "You're marrying the Army, not your husband." Oh, so very true.

This will be a pity me blog, and I'll get over it, so if you don't want to hear about it, stop reading now :)

Jason just informed me that he has to pull 24 hour duty on Christmas day. I'm so very disappointed. Of course, with the way things have been going since we moved in together as far as the Army goes, I should have expected this.

First it was the fact that he wouldn't receive his BAH - housing allowance for living off post - we were pretty much depending on that money for our rent, and we'd pay for the other utilities out of pocket. But having that chunk of money paid for already was going to be a huge bonus. Oh, sorry, you can't get BAH. Why? Because you're you. No, not really (but that's what it feels like). It's because he's technically a 'single soldier'. Bull shit! He's engaged. But the Army doesn't care about engagements. And there is room for him in the barracks on post, so since he could live on post (since he's single) they won't pay him his housing allowance. Awesome.

Then it was "Well I'm still getting about $300 taken out of each pay check for access to the dining hall which I don't go to, maybe I can get that back." (BAS) Nope. You're single.

And now, after he called me at 8am this morning and said "I have duty today, not Monday, so I'll see you tomorrow." (Which totally ruins his weekend - he'll be sleeping most of the day tomorrow, and then it's Sunday and he has to go back to work!)

"You're one of only two single sergeants. You have duty Christmas day even though your passes got approved. Merry Christmas."

Ok, I know someone has to do it. But lately I just feel like the world is working against us. I keep telling myself that I have never wanted a courthouse marriage, that our wedding is only 6 months away, we'll survive until then, we may have to dip in to what little savings we (he) have to cover wedding expenses because I still don't have a job, that in the long run, years from now, these 6 months won't be that big of a deal, that it will all turn around one day and we'll get what we deserve...but I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now!!

I guess I'll have to quit moping about it and suck it up. It's just a date on the calendar, Christmas can be celebrated a day late or early. We'll get through it. We'll survive. But I just keep picturing him sitting in that building all alone on Christmas. I feel terrible. He always does people's dirty work. He always does favors for others knowing he won't get paid back. And he wonders why he always feels so defeated.

I always look around at my friends and see how wonderful their lives are - with their jobs and pay checks and families and friends all so close by - so I'm jealous. And feeling very much like throwing myself a pity party.

I am grateful he is home this Christmas. But, that might even make it worse. Knowing he's home, but still has to work, and I can't be with him (yet again) just plain sucks. No one should have to feel this way. And I know that when I start working, I'll have to work holidays as well...I guess we'll just have to start getting used to being apart on the holidays.

I suppose I've complained enough. Life goes on.

Merry Christmas! ha.