Tuesday, August 16, 2011

August 13, 2011

This is a little late - but I decided (at 0030) that I need to start keeping a journal. I just bought a MacBookPro - and don't have any word processing on it right now. So a blog it is for now. I just read that old post, from December of 2009. Back when life was easy. I only wish I could've looked ahead to now.

My husband deployed May 18, 2011 to Afghanistan. He is stationed in the Arghandab River Valley, and I couldn't tell you where that is. He is in the Army, 1-67 C Co - out of Fort Carson - the infantry - and for some reason they're known as the "Death Dealers". He's been in the Army for about 7 years now, and this is his third deployment. The first two were to Iraq and both lasted 15 months. This one is supposed to only be a year. (Only!) He hasn't even been there three months.

I worked all night, 7pm-7am, and got off Saturday morning. I came home and waited for the handyman to come give me an estimate on all the things wrong in this rental house that needed to be fixed. He came, gave me the estimate, and I made my usual bagel and cream cheese with apple juice and went upstairs to Facebook stalk like my normal morning routine.

I got a text from a fellow army wife, asking if I was ok, and if there was anything she could do for me. I thought this was odd. When I texted her back that everything was fine, she called - which was also odd. She said her husband had told her that my husband had been injured, was in surgery, but was ok. I didn't believe her of course, because the Army is supposed to notify you of these things first! So, not wanting to be the typical freaking out Army wife, I call my FRG leader just to clarify - who tells me she will call the RearD CO and let me know. When I get a call from a phone number which I know is from post - I know. They ask to speak to Mrs. Searles - and then inform me officially that my husband has been injured. I guess at this point, I knew that was coming. What I didn't expect was for them to tell me that he lost his right leg below the knee. No one ever expects it to happen to them. Cliche, I know, but it is true. Of course, I cried. I worried about very insignificant things, which then made me feel selfish. Like, what about Sadie? (Our dog) What about the bills, how will they get paid? What about work? I was trying to save for maternity leave! But the important thing was that he was stable, and apparently "in good spirits". I think they have to say that.

Then another person called me, and gave me a few more details, after apologizing for the Army's downfalls yet again. This is when I realized our lives had changed forever. He mentioned the stay at his place of rehabilitation would be at least 8 - 16 months. What? How is that going to work? Well, apparently these soldiers usually PCS (Permanent Change of Station) to wherever they are recovering. The family moves there, and they all begin their new life. Totally was not expecting this. Now, I have to figure out how to pack everything, take care of all the loose ends, pack everything, clean house, move out, and quit my beloved job. Oh, and I'm 20 weeks pregnant.

Everyone who knows me, knows how much I worry. Including my husband. I worry about everything, the big things, the little things, the things I cannot control, and the things I can.

So, now I'm in survival mode, trying to figure out where to go from here. I realized he mentioned Walter Reed Medical Center, but he said my husband would likely go to San Antonio (that's where the other two soldiers from his unit that this has happened to have gone). All our family is in Virginia. I requested that he be sent to Walter Reed indefinitely, as we have a baby due in January, and we're going to need all the help we can get. Plus, how wonderful to be back within driving distance of our family at a time like this.

I spent all morning on the phone. I only cried that once. When I realized it did happen to us. Will they kick him out? Can he deploy again? No, and yes. But he has since informed me he'd "like a nice pretty desk job". I had to contact his mom, she lives in England, and tell her myself. That was not ideal. Mind you, I had been up since 7pm the night before. Now it's noon. I'm supposed to work tonight - if I go to sleep now, I might be able to go to work. But will I be useful? Will I be distracted? As a nurse, I can't afford to loose my license over this, so around 5pm, after I had been up all day, I decided I should call in. By then, everyone at work had heard, and of course understood. We are so understaffed, I felt terrible, but they made it work. A friend came and sat with me, and brought me McDonalds for a few hours in the afternoon. She just had her baby, and I just held him all afternoon. It was quite comforting. I still didn't cry - just talked about everything in detail like it wasn't really happening to me. I could hear myself talking to her about this situation, and I kept having to tell myself, "this is your life you're talking about now".

I called the CPT back with all the questions I had started gathering throughout the day. And asked him more in depth about what happened. He said my husband did nothing wrong and did everything by protocol. Of course he did. He always does. Your stupid protocols aren't foolproof. I asked about his future with the Army, he said they would work with him to find him a job he would enjoy. I hope this is really the case. I just didn't, and still don't, understand the tactics they have to go by.

I also took it upon myself (husband probably would not have approved) to inform this CPT that last month, my husband made points for promotion to E6 - SSG, but that someone did not do their job by updating his records, so he didn't get promoted. He has to wait until August 18th I think, to find out the points for August, and then hopefully, he will get promoted Sept 1. I said "My husband got screwed because someone didn't do their job and update his points. Could you please make sure this someone does their job this time so he gets promoted like he should've been already?"

"Yes ma'am I'll make sure your husband gets what he is owed."

Thank You.

My husband called around 5pm that day. He sounded very out of it, very tired, and groggy. I could hear the male nurse there answering all the medical questions I had, but I just wish I could've been by his side for all of it. He said he had an epidural to numb his leg, and was in a lot of pain and very tired, but he's ok. He said he got a purple heart and some coins, so that was cool.

I took two tylenol PM (yes they're safe with pregnancy) and turned my phone on vibrate, and tried to sleep. I did, woke up once, but did get a few good hours of sleep.

No comments: