Withdrawals

Unfortunately, it seems that every time we come home for any period of time, something goes wrong. I'm so tired of something going wrong! I just want him to feel good, and healthy for once. He has been weaning off all his medications pretty much since he was discharged. Finally, he was down to the last one right before we came home. It's an anti depressant that they give to these guys at night to help them with sleep and nerve pain. It kind of leaves their mind blank, so they can sleep at night, and calms the brain down which in turn calms down the nerves for the nerve pain too. He's been taking it pretty much this entire time. He had no problems weaning off anything else, so he sped this one up a little. He went from 75mg every night to 50mg, then 25mg, then nothing in about a week and a half. Then he started complaining of not being able to sleep at night. At first we thought it was the bed. We're in a full bed at my mom's house, and it's really soft, almost too soft. Then he started getting headaches and feeling really nauseous throughout the day. Then I thought it was because he wasn't drinking enough water and the combination of his blood pressure medicine which can dehydrate him if he doesn't drink enough. Then we googled, and decided he was withdrawing from the Pamelor (the last drug he weaned off). We're really hoping these symptoms only last a couple of weeks. He's already sleeping better, so at least that's improved. I hope the nausea is soon to follow. I hate seeing him like this. He feels nauseous pretty much all day. He feels terrible because he wants to be better in time for this baby to arrive, which could really be any day now. He's tired of feeling like this, anyway, he says. And he doesn't understand how heroin addicts do it, haha. At least I know we'll never be on that show Intervention. If it hasn't improved by next week, we'll have to make an appointment with his doctor when we go back up there to await the arrival of this baby. I just hope it's not something more serious. I just can't think of what else it could possibly be. This is the first time in four months he's been virtually drug free, so I think it's just going to take his body some time to adjust to that. I hope*

Otherwise, our Christmas was great. We spent it with a lot of family, and actually on Christmas day, we were exhausted from all the family gatherings. His big gift was a computer program he likes to use to produce music, and some nice headphones, and also a Keurig. He got me a DSLR Camera, and I've been playing with that a lot. I'm excited to take pictures all day long of our baby. Don't worry, I most certainly will not be starting a photography business. :) It is exciting when I get one good picture out of about 400 though.

It's getting to the point now where we can't believe there are only 10 days - DAYS! - left until this baby is scheduled to arrive. I wonder if he'll come then, sooner, or later. My guess is still for the 7th. Jason thought he'd be here before Christmas. I don't feel any signs of him going anywhere in the next 10 days though. We lay in bed at night and are so thankful that we're going to get another full night's sleep. We are so fortunate to be able to have this time to collect ourselves before he comes, to be able to rest and nap all day long if we feel like it. I just can't believe I'm counting down the days until I won't ever be able to sleep through the night again. Even when he grows older, I'm sure I won't sleep as soundly. I'll always have that motherly worry throughout the nights. I used to periodically wake up and make sure our dog was still breathing. And I do it to Jason also.

Now, our nephews are coming up from Atlanta tomorrow. This could affect our amount of sleep. They are 5 and 7. There will be a lot of legos to be built, and entertaining to be done. And then we get to sit back and remind ourselves that this will be us in a few years. Then we'll have the "What were we thinking?" moment. Oh, joy, I already can't wait!

We've been watching One Born Every Minute. I'm probably most nervous about being a patient. I've never been a patient. If I ever go back to work, I'm sure I'll have so much more empathy for these ladies. I still can't believe they can regulate whether or not you can adopt a dog based on whether or not you'll agree to take them to doggie daycare, but they'll let anyone have a child. And they let you leave with it! And you're supposed to figure out how to do it all by yourself! And children do it all the time! How scary. In our case, we are not ignorant enough. And so, we are not blissful. Ha. We watch too much TV, really. When we watch Supernanny, we talk about how we are going to be way better parents than them. When we watch Teen Mom, we feel way better about ourselves and our situation. When we watch Beyond Scared Straight, we get so nervous that our child will end up that way. When we watch One Born Every Minute, we both just can't believe that's going to be us so freaking soon.

I have all these visions of perfect parenting, and I second guess myself so much, I know it's going to be a huge struggle for me. I want to do everything right. I never want to argue in front of him, or loose my temper, or bribe him, or feed him bad food. The reality is, I know I'm impatient (although they say it's different when it's your own), I know I'm lazy about cooking, and I know sometimes I can't control the volume of my voice. Ha. I will probably still use Johnson's & Johnson's baby shampoo. I will probably give my child Apple Juice at some point. And I will probably not feed him all organic stuff. I do hope to breastfeed for as long as I can. But, I hear that's extremely hard in the beginning. It makes me cringe to think about the pain even now.

So, these next few days will be spent waiting for this still nameless baby to arrive. I hope everyone that still reads this had a wonderful holiday!