Cooper - 11 Months

Dear Sweet Cooper -

Every day you amaze me. You are a little sponge, and show me something new you've learned almost daily. You can wave bye bye and blow kisses. You kind of know the sign for milk, although your wave bye bye and sign for more look the same as milk. You can clap your hands, and love to dance. At daycare you beeline for the toy bells, and have one in your hand all day long. At home, it's the measuring cups. You've always got one in your hand, even when you're crawling around. You love the sound they make when you bang them on just about everything.

We have been taking a swim class on Saturday mornings, and you love the water! You're almost able to blow bubbles, but still aren't the biggest fan of going under water. You do, however, enjoy drinking your bathwater on purpose! You also like standing in the bathtub and knocking everything off the ledge in to the water.

Night time used to be easy for us, but lately you're showing signs of separation anxiety (at least that's what we think it is). We can't figure out any other reason why sometimes you go right to sleep and stay asleep until the next morning, and other times you don't go right to sleep, and will also wake up crying a couple hours later. I have to go in and pat your back until you stay asleep. There's no method to your madness, and it stresses mommy out! It also makes me extremely grateful that you are, for the most part, a wonderful sleeper. On those late nights that I'm trying to get you back to sleep, I'm thanking the good Lord you didn't make a habit of this. Generally, you know when I have to work the next morning, and those are the nights you like to stay up late!

You play peek-a-boo all the time, and think it's especially funny while you're nursing. You are very ticklish and we can get some very hearty laughs out of you that way. It melts my heart! You are starting to know when you're doing something you're not supposed to. You peer over your shoulder to see if I'm watching, and then start giggling really loud when I start coming towards you to put a stop to your wrongdoings. Setting boundaries for such an active little boy is becoming harder and harder.

You continue to be a favorite at daycare because you're so easy going. You are now the oldest in your class, which makes mommy a little sad. You are growing up so fast!

You eat everything we eat now, and absolutely refuse to be spoon fed unless it's yogurt or applesauce. We have to sneak vegetables in anyway we know how because you will put them in your mouth, and give me a yuck face, and spit them out. You have four teeth on the top, and two on the bottom so far.

You are the light of our lives; mommy and daddy love you so much! Please keep smiling, it's so contagious.

xoxo handsome boy,
mommy

Jason - 15 Months

The time between these posts is feeling longer and longer. That's a good thing, right? Or we're getting busier and busier.

He came up to my work one day, all flustered, excited, and out of breath and said "Soooo, what if I got out of the Army?" I just stood there and was thinking "What the ....." (you fill in the blank) For as long as he's been recovering, his plan was to stay in the Army. He would put in a continuation on active duty or COAD packet when we returned to Colorado, and he'd get approved of course, and then we'd go back to normal. Nope. Now he has to go and change things up again. The main reason he wanted to stay in was for the medical benefits. If anyone knows how good they are, it's me. And he knows with a family now, it would be pretty stressful getting out of the Army and having to find affordable medical insurance for a family. Well, who knew that since he will be medically retired if he does decide to get out, his whole family (us) will qualify for Tricare for life. Life, people. That's huge. There are people that pay a grand a month just for health insurance!

Bring on the (pardon my French) clusterfuck of options. Does he still apply for COAD? There are drawdowns coming, especially now that Obama has been re elected. Will that affect his chances to stay in? One person tells us he will likely be denied since he has less than 15 years. I say that's bullshit. You have a soldier who was wounded, severely, and wants to stay in and continue serving, but you're going to tell him no thanks? Ha. That would be horrible PR for you, US Army. Other people say, oh you'll definitely get approved (he has to apply to stay in the army), and that they've never seen one denied. If he does stay in, what job would he do? Some people say he would go back to his original MOS which was Infantry. Yeah right. Some say he might deploy again. I say, no way, even if you do stay in, you can totally argue the deployment part. Well, he wouldn't, but I would for him. Some say, no no you will get to change your MOS. Well what jobs are open? We don't know, we have to wait until the COAD packet comes back. They'd only let him do jobs where his rank is needed. Then he may have to go somewhere else for training for that new MOS. Depending on the job, it could be weeks to months long. Then we go back to normal military life, we move around, and deal with silly army bullshit for 12 more years until he hits his 20 year retirement. Then when he gets out, hopefully he'd get the VA disability AND his Army retirement pay. Which still isn't that much for those of you who think we'd be sitting over here collecting all kinds of moolah from the government.

Or does he get out? What will he do if he gets out? How much money will he get for disability? Will I need to work full time again? Will he be able to work full time and go to school? Or will he only work part time and go to school? For these decisions we would need to know how much money he is entitled to from the VA and disability in order to decide who works where and how much. This has been the biggest headache thus far. You would think they would have this process streamlined by now, but they most certainly, do not. Every single person we talked to, including legal, told us something different. None of them were right. I still wonder if we've gotten any correct answers.

Jason signed his 199 which is a form stating the rating the VA gives him. He signed that he agreed with it, and did not want to appeal it. Mistake. He should've signed that he disagreed with it, and that he did want to appeal it. We only found this out because we happened to be sitting in an office with other guys who are also going through the process (who, by the way, have all four limbs and a higher disability rating than Jason). But let's not get on that soap box. Jason was almost in tears out of frustration. "How am I supposed to know what I can and can't appeal or what I should or shouldn't sign? I've never done this before! Why is no one telling me anything right?!"

I have been trying to be more involved since we've gotten back, but it's awfully hard with work and Cooper. I have also been trying really hard to let him take care of these things on his own because I can't do everything for him forever. The issue lies within his military training, I'm convinced. For eight years, he was taught to never question orders. You do what you're told. Except for now. But it's taking him quite a while to realize that. He believes what people tell him because he doesn't know any different (and neither do I!) and that is the most frustrating part. It feels like they are just pushing him through, trying to get him to sign whatever they need signed so as to speed the process up and they can move on to their next case. I refuse to be one of those cases that finds out after it's too late what we should've done. I've told him that over and over again, but I can only do so much.

 All this, and they didn't even rate his mangled arm and hand. And then he was told he had to be a veteran before he could appeal the VA rating. Not true. But had we listened, he would've been out of the Army, out of a paycheck, and waiting and waiting for the VA to rewrite his rating. Sounds like fun, right? I just get annoyed because the families going through these huge changes have already been through so.much.stress. Adding financial stress on top of it, and the stress of the soldiers future, is huge. I mean, we are by no means headed for a divorce, but it's quite easy to see why people do after dealing with all this. This is our LIFE! How is that so hard to understand? We cannot sit around and wait for you to decide how disabled you think my husband is because that doesn't pay the bills! Such is life, right? People do this every single day, and we have to put our big girl panties on and start pinching pennies.

It stresses me out to think about it anymore. On a happier note, Jason has been meeting with the personal trainer I set up for him twice a week unless he has other Army fun stuff to do. Today he informed me that he has lost 15lbs so far, and 7% body fat. He's pretty excited about it, and hopefully his progress will motivate him to continue working hard! I'm still meeting with my trainer twice a week, and I've lost around 10lbs and holding strong there. If we were better about our nutrition, we'd both be seeing lower numbers on the scale. It's so hard to stay motivated after working all day. How do you do it?

He is scheduled for laser hair removal in a couple of weeks for his leg. He gets ingrown hairs all the time, and they're hoping this will take care of the problem. He's going to shave his leg soon to prepare, and you can be sure I'm going to document that!

This Veteran's day we celebrated a year with half a middle finger. Ha. It was a year ago, and I remember because it was my baby shower weekend, and he was so bummed that he had to be readmitted to the hospital over Veteran's day weekend. That hospital stay was nothing like the first, of course, and as soon as he was discharged we hopped on a bus and went to Ocean City for the weekend.

Maybe next month, we will have a more clear view of where this life is taking us. More and more, this is becoming our home though. I am so ready to buy a house here, and stop wasting money on rent. We will make it back out East, but maybe not until he's done with college. And you better believe I'm excited as all get out to be saying that :)

Cooper - Month 10

Dear Cooper,

This month has flown by. You are growing so fast, and learning something new every single day. I know I've probably said that for the past few months, but I can really see the gears turning in your smart little brain these days. One day you discovered the stairs, and made it up three of them before I ran to be your safety net. You still haven't figured out that they could be a pretty fun game, which is fine by mommy. You will crawl all the way to the top if we let you, though.

You continue to be so flexible and mellow. You often only take one nap a day because we're always out and about. You still refuse to nap at daycare for anything longer than 30 minutes. If you get tired or fussy, your thumb is still your best friend. You still sleep through the night, and wake up happy as a clam every morning.

You've had a couple bouts with the stomach bug, and teething, which have made you a little less the happy you everyone knows. You pulled through, and now have 6 teeth! Your upper incisors came in before your middle two, so you look a little like a vampire until the middle two finish coming in. I think you're a pretty cute vampire, myself.

You now scrunch your nose up and get squinty eyes and smile so big you show me all your teeth. It is one of my most favorite things to watch you do.

You are almost standing by yourself, but no efforts to walk yet without holding on to anything. Everything still goes in your mouth, including the dog food. Her water bowl is one of your favorite things to play with. You also love measuring cups. You have a heap of toys, but always go straight for the measuring cups. You carry them around, and love to bang them on the walls to hear the different sounds.

You continue to impress me, and make me so proud to call you my son. You are the light of my life, and I really want to freeze time to keep you this small forever.

I love you, sweet Cooper!
xoxo

Jason - Month 14

Holy busy life, batman! 

We have been real busy these past few months. I'm sure I've mentioned all the trips we've been on in past blogs. Our biggest trip was to Texas so Jason could play in the Warrior Open hosted by George W. Bush in Dallas. Say what you will regarding politics, but this was an absolutely amazing experience. 

Let me back up a few months. 

When we got back to Colorado, Jason got really in to playing golf again. Like, playing 3-4 times a week. I was google searching one night, and just searched for tournaments in the area for military. The Warrior Open website came up, and I started reading about it, and all the events that took place last year. Jason thought it was just a one time deal since the scores were still up from last year. But there were 2012 dates, and they weren't until September. Oh you better believe I bookmarked that page, and checked it every single day until the application date was set. We applied, and didn't think we'd actually get picked. We waited and waited, and finally had to email to ask the status because it was getting fairly close, and he needed to know whether or not to put paperwork in for TDY. Jason was the first one to be called and invited, and she said "George Bush is really excited to play golf with you!" 

It was a 5 day, all expenses paid, 36 hole golf tournament especially for wounded warriors. If you could plan a trip - a golf trip - this is how it would've gone. Seriously, it was that good. It was a whirlwind, and went by way too fast, but it was also SO fun. The organization was ridiculous. All of GW's worker bees had huge binders on them at all times, and everyone knew everyone in our family by name, especially Cooper. They could answer any question I could possibly muster up right there on the spot. They greeted us at the hotel and said all of our special requests had been taken care of, and they definitely were. We stayed at the Four Seasons, and felt totally out of our league. We fidgeted when the bellhop guy brought our bags to our room and took the laundry to be pressed. We ate room service Texas Pecan Chocolate Chip Pie and Pepperoni Pizza on the floor of the hotel room so we wouldn't wake Cooper (who is very hard to get to sleep in a hotel room, by the way). We walked around and basked in the humidity of Texas, and enjoyed the less-itchy-because-it's-not-as-dry Jason. 

Photo courtesy of warrior open.com

Jason felt like a professional golfer, and loved every second of it. Chiropractors were walking around asking if anyone needed adjustments after each day of golf. He refused every single time even though I was practically begging him to give it a try. The members of the Las Colinas Country Club were allowed in to watch and participate, which made it feel even more professional like, because he had 'fans'. People were walking around watching him play and following his games. One guy came up to me and said "Is he the one tied for second? I saw his shot on nine, and now this one, and he looks really good!" Sadly, he was not tied for second, but I still thought that was cool that this guy was following him. The first tee off was pretty nerve wracking; he was surrounded by at least 350 people, and the guy who held up the 'Quiet' sign, and an announcer who said his name and where he was from, and George W. right behind him watching. No pressure. Just hit the ball. That's all I was thinking. I don't care where it goes, just hit it. And Cooper, please don't choose this time to scream! They provided me with my own cart to follow him around for all 18 holes each day. Cooper's MiMi was a very helpful babysitter for the last nine holes of each day so I could finish watching Jason play. Tom Watson was there the second day, and was at one of the holes offering his advice. When Jason teed off that day, I videoed GW talking to 'some guy' (that's what I called him since I had no idea it was Tom Watson, or who that even is). He said "He's got a good swing!" And GW replied "Yeah, he's a really good player" They went on to have a conversation about him but I couldn't hear what they were saying. 

That was one of those moments where you're not really sure what your husband does, or if what he does is good compared to everyone else - I've seen him play golf, but I sure as hell don't know what's good and what's not - (I knew he wasn't horrible if he was getting asked to play with some older men in our town, and we were getting invited to his house and such) - so when they had that little conversation, my heart just throbbed with joy for him! I was so proud of him! 

The ninth hole proved difficult both days for him, but he improved the second day at least. His putting was costing him a lot of pars and he said he was having trouble 'reading the greens'. That's about as far as my golf talk goes. I do know that he played the worst I've ever seen him play on that first day, and rightfully so. If you were playing with George W. watching you, you'd probably be a little nervous too.  We were treated to a special dinner at GW's house, with Jay Leno as a guest as well. We had fried catfish and steak on his front lawn, and listened to a stand up routine from Jay Leno afterwards. We got to see a private show by the Eli Young band after another special dinner with GW on the last night we were there. 

The event was really perfect. I just can't express to you how much we appreciated everything they were doing for us. I'm just not sure how to put it in to words. To be given that opportunity, and treated like that, is something everyone dreams of. We didn't do anything to deserve that, except have a bit of bad luck. We certainly hope to participate in that event as long as they will allow us to, but understand we may not be lucky enough to experience it more than once. I do believe the event will grow and get bigger and bigger each year, although I hope they don't allow too many more guys to participate at once. It was already so big with only 22 participating warriors. To make it bigger, would take away all the personal touches that were afforded. So I'm sure soon, getting accepted to participate will get harder and harder. 

Long story short, he handled everything so well. He would be the most humble famous guy ever. He gave an impromptou speech in front of at least 250 people including the president, teed off twice in front of crowds (and GW and Tom Watson!), smiled after missing countless birdie (?!) putts, and continued to be a positive role model for a lot of people, including myself. 

Photo courtesy of warrioropen.com 

We said multiple times throughout the trip how amazed we were that we were even there. It was hard to soak it all in. When Jason was down on himself for missing those putts, I tried my best to be supportive since I know nothing about golf. "Just soak it in, babe, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, make the experience everything you want it to be." We reminisced about 14 months ago, and how we never, ever, thought this is where we'd be. Back then, our outlook for the future was pretty gloomy and didn't go much further past 2 or 3 months. Now, we are amazed at how far we've come in such a short amount of time. We often wonder where we will be this time next year.

Phew, I guess I'll stop with the Texas trip. I'm sure you're all bored to death with that. We also went home for a weekend which was a long trip for such a short amount of time. We squeezed in playdates, weddings, and crab feasts though. It was a lot of fun, and very busy again, but it was nice to be home for a little bit and see everyone. 

In other Jason news, he's still itchy. Awesome. This has been going on since February, and still the best explanation is Eczema. He still does is nightly cocktail of creams and steroid creams and foams and ointments. Nothing is really making it all go away. 

He's miserable in the WTU, and I've finally had to step in. I only hope it gets resolved soon. He got his 'unfit for duty' rating back, and today he got his disability rating which he doesn't agree with so he'll probably have to appeal that in the near future. He's not excited about returning to the Army and not being in the infantry, but he's excited about working again. 

I'm excited for that too, although I have to say, I've been very spoiled with how our schedule has been lately. He's able to pick Cooper up from daycare early in the day which is wonderful because I refuse to have him there all day long. He's usually free to do things any day of the week. 

I'm scared to see where our future is going to take us. I've become so used to this place, and after three years, we call it home now. Is that how every Army station is? Do you find the perfect job, and friends and your favorite nail place and hair dresser and grocery store and fast food place and mall all in a new city? Every time you move? What if you don't find friends? Or the perfect job? What if it's not the same as you've been used to? These are the thoughts that have been consuming my mind lately as we talk about this changing jobs thing for Jason, that means we'll likely be moving soon, and by soon I mean in the next year or two. Which is soon for me. I need a good 5 years to prepare. I don't know why I'm stressing so bad; I picked up and moved out here not knowing anyone three years ago, and look now. I have a bunch of great friends; many with babies Coopers age so we have fun play dates. My job is ideal. That's probably my biggest worry. I don't know where I will find another employer so willing to work with me like they have been here. I absolutely LOVE my job here. Love it. Not ready to say good bye to that. Found my favorite hair dresser, nail salon, waxer, Target, Safeway, Chick-Fil-A, outlet mall, etc. 

Let's put it this way - when I go 'home' and see all the Virginia license plates, it looks weird. When I come back here, and see all the green and white Colorado license plates, it feels like I'm home. And that's weird - so I know that wherever we move next, I will be able to feel home, it will just take a while. But it's even scarier with Cooper now, wondering how he will adjust, and if we will find a house with enough room to call home again just like we've found this one. Will his room be as cozy as it is here? Ah, the joys of a military wife. This would be our first true military family move, though. 

So I've been rambling. A lot. I'm sorry. It's been a long day, a long week rather, even though I only work two shifts a week these days. I'm off to love on my husband while we watch Friends as we do every single night. (I remember when Nick@Nite had I Love Lucy on...not a show that was on when I was younger. I feel old) 

omg. It's the leather pants episode. You all know what I'm talking about. :) 

Cooper - Month 9

Where oh where has my little boy gone?! 

You are so grown up now! You crawl and climb and stand and squat and side step and are learning the stairs! You love your mommy these days, and that's ok, because she loves you very much. You love to snuggle with her, and it makes daddy jealous sometimes. You are currently cutting three teeth at the same time! You already have one on the bottom, and the one next to it is coming in, as well as two on the top. Not the middle two though, the outer two - so that will probably look funny. 

You are still as talkative as ever, and make new sounds almost every day. You love to sing and play patty cake with mommy. Bath time has become an adventure since you're over the bath seat, and now just like to play with the faucet and splash the whole time. You love daddy's xbox, and go straight for the power button every time. We finally had to unplug it! 

You stand up in your crib and cry and cry until someone comes to sit you down. You haven't quite figured out how to sit back down once you've stood up. You look so pitiful when we go in to rescue you! You still sleep through the night, and well in to the morning (unless you're not feeling well). 

Throughout your eighth month, you traveled a lot! You went to England, Texas, and Virginia. In Texas you got to meet another president! George. W. Bush. He put his hat on you at daddy's golf tournament, and even held you for a few seconds, but you were tired and started crying so he gave you back to mommy. You were certainly a hit at the golf tournament, everyone still comments on how much you look like your daddy. You are quite the frequent flyer these days, too. It's hit or miss though, sometimes you sleep right through the flight, and other times you cry the whole time. In Virginia, there was a constant flow of people at mom mom's house coming to visit you since we were only there for a weekend. You played with your cousin Max, and friend Jocelyn! You saw your favorite Lauren again, and wooed her with all your new tricks. You gave Tammy & Philip baby fever the day after their wedding, and you might have even given it to David. You hung out with your pop pop a lot, because he basically lived with us in Colorado for 6 weeks to babysit Sadie while we were out doing all this world traveling! 

You still enjoy meal times, although we haven't strayed too far from the general baby diet. Mommy may be a little reluctant to let you grow up too fast. You have graduated to Cheerios, which are much cheaper and easier to haul around with us. You still love sweet potatoes and applesauce the best. You are starting to get excited about yogurt, too. You especially love the fruit and yogurt popsicles I make for you since your gums are so sore these days. We have a very relaxed schedule, and a semi routine when we're home all day. Usually, that all gets thrown out the window if we're out running errands, though. Generally you take one or two naps during the day, and then we snuggle in our rocking chair at night before bed and then you sleep peacefully until the morning. Nap times are getting harder though, since you stand and walk around the edges of the crib and then fuss until I have to come lay you down and say night night again. Today, we had to do that three times before you actually fell asleep! 

While life with you has gotten easier in some respects, it's gotten harder in others. You are in to everything. Everything you're not supposed to be in. So we have to watch you like a hawk, but still allow you to explore your home. It's wonderful to be able to put you in the shopping cart in stores instead of lugging the stroller or strapping you to me, but then you're putting the lovely shopping cart with all it's cleanliness in your mouth. You have a mind of your own now, and know what you want. iPhones in particular, are one of your favorite items to grab and chew on. You don't like it when mommy walks out of the room, and really don't like it when she puts you down! 

We can't wait to see what this month brings, I hope you continue to grow in to a sweet, loving boy like you already are. Keep smiling, Cooper boy! Mommy & Daddy love you!