week

It's been a week since I got the news about Jason.

Today, I'm 20 weeks pregnant.

And, Jason is one week shy of turning 25.

Did I ever say exactly how he lost his leg?

He stepped on a land mine. They had even already probed the area.

He said if they drove over it, it probably would've just popped the tire.

Anyway, I can't figure out a good schedule to get on. On the weekends it seems better to stay with him at night, and sleep during the day because of all the family visitors. His room is like a cubicle, and he just got a roommate, so that doesn't help. He's supposed to switch rooms next week, to the 4th floor, which is all brand new, and he'll have a private room. Yes, please! But then during the week, I'll want to be with him more during the day because he'll be in and out of surgery so much. Let's face it, I want to be with him 24/7. But that is not good for me or this baby. And the last thing we need is for something to happen to this baby. I'm trying so hard to eat normally, but it's impossible. Mom brought me a ton of snacks thank goodness. But I'm still eating McDonalds way more than I want (it's the only thing within walking distance on base - and I have no car). I hate to go out to eat, and leave him to eat hospital food.

I still don't have a clear picture of his recovery time. Sounds like they might try to close his bicep wound on Monday, but then it also sounds like they are going to have to skin graft every wound but the stump, and apparently that takes a couple weeks before they'll even put one on. Worried about how thin the skin will be over his muscle, will he have enough strength in that arm with half the muscle gone? He will probably still be stronger than me.

We joked a little about it tonight. I'm glad my husband has a sense of humor. We were adjusting him in bed - Craig says "Dude, where's your foot?" (referring to his left foot which was under the blankets) And I said "In Afghanistan." Laughs. Thank goodness.

"Well you'll never have to worry about matching socks again. Think how long a pack will last now!"

He said "Man, why couldn't it have been the left leg, then Trueblood and I could've shared shoes!"

I ended up staying up with him all night last night, his pain kept creeping up, and by morning was at an 8. Our nurse last night was army, and awesome. Not as big a fan of the navy nurses so far - don't know why. Maybe I'm biased. But he got the pain team there for us first thing in the morning, and they upped the epidural dose for him which controlled it all day.

I did Nursing 101 with him this morning - never thought I'd be doing this to my husband - at least not at the ages of 24 and 27. But we had a bed bath, and a good teeth brushing. His brother shaved his face a little later. We rotated to our right side to get off our bum bum. He's a sweaty guy anyway, so lying in bed all day doesn't help. He had all the bed sheet wrinkles and creases all up and down his back side - this isn't good for skin integrity. Plus, he's got so many tubes everywhere just resting on his legs, or he's lying right on top of them, so that can be dangerous long term. It's frustrating. I feel like I have to be there all the time, or they'll forget to turn him, and he never calls for help.

I had a moment though, tonight. I was sitting there when the corpsman came in to do his vitals around midnight, and he started charting on the computer there, using Essentris, which is the same in all government run hospitals, so that's what I use too. I got jealous, and mad, and I knew exactly what he was charting, and I was thinking "I can do that. Just let me do it. And pay me." ha. I wish. I got angry - I want to go back to work. I want to feel like I'm doing something productive again. I hate that I just had to drop everything I've ever known and come be one on one with him for who knows how long. Maybe hate is a strong word, or not even the right word. But, I'm struggling with it. I always 'strongly disliked' those patients who were nurses or who had family who were nurses or doctors and would take it upon themselves to do things or ask retarded questions like they knew what they were talking about. I'm trying so hard not to do that, I am fully aware that I do NOT know it all, especially when it comes to his recovery. But, I DO know more than most. And I can't imagine what it must feel like when you have no idea how things work in the hospital. They must just take you on a runaround while your husband recovers.

Anyway, so this is so not how I pictured leaving Colorado. Who knows, maybe we'll go back out there. I was ready to leave, but not until next year! That was my plan. I do love leaving the hospital here and it's still warm outside. I don't have to wear a jacket even at night here. (for now) And it's humid, so I don't have the crazy Colorado boogers :) I love the sound of the crickets. I hate the traffic. I'm not looking forward to figuring out my way around here.

My ass is already asleep, and I've only been lying here for like 30 minutes. I can't imagine how Jason feels. He is so ready to get up, and out. He hates this, I know he does. And I do too. There are no off days. There are days when he's not in surgery, but every day, there is a new challenge. There are 3 limbs that all need serious pain control - it seems like every day a different one is uncontrolled. I'm trying to figure out when to get all the administrative stuff done - finance, bill pay, tricare, prenatal care, etc.

He did get to meet his nephew for the first time today, so that was fun. He is so excited to have a little person running around, and I'm so excited to watch him be a daddy.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.