growing up

Here's one thing I never thought about before marrying in to the military life - birthday parties.

We just celebrated our son's first birthday, and while it was a wonderful celebration, I was so homesick. Yes, all that really should matter is the fact that my sweet boy is turning one. Whoever wants to help us celebrate that fact is more than welcome, but the problem is we don't have that many friends out here any more. The ones that came to the party are our very near and dear friends, but there was no family.

Maybe it's just an all around emotional time for me, but it hit me especially hard today as we sang "Happy Birthday" to Cooper. I remember in the very moment I blew out his candle, I was literally telling myself to etch these memories in to my heart forever because there was no other family here to witness it.

Having Cooper has made me realize this. Before, birthdays were still celebrations, but certainly not milestone and emotional celebrations such as this. They were "let's go out to eat somewhere and then get drunk" celebrations. Now, we're creating childhood memories for our firstborn. And that's a huge deal to me. Man, I'm getting deep here.

The point of my emotional tirade here is this: I miss my family. I miss being able to go home for dinner, or Christmas, or birthday parties. It makes me second guess our decision to buy a house and further establish our life out here. Will I be able to give Cooper the best childhood memories possible? I hate knowing that he won't be able to see his grandparents very often. So when he does see them, he will be afraid of them because they're his grandparents, and they're old, and lets face it, who wasn't scared of their old grandparents when they were little?! Only those who saw them on a regular basis like Cooper won't be able to.

I know the reality is he won't remember a thing from this party. And when he's old enough to remember his parties, he'll be old enough to have made friends of his own (I hope!). Then we shouldn't have to worry much about whether or not our party is fun since there will be a billion kids running around making themselves sick off cake and ice cream and all will be right with the world.

Here's where I realized I need to start reaching out to friends here, because they will hopefully to become our extended family. Jason and I both are perfectly content sitting at home every single weekend doing nothing, but that doesn't get you great friends either.

Here's where I also realized that mommy needs to grow up and quit getting so emotional about these things.

Having a baby was supposed to make me grow up, but it's only made me an emotional wreck when it comes to anything 'my baby is growing up' related. And that is what is happening. Every single day. He learns something new, he hugs me tighter, he melts my heart. Anyone who is reading this already knows I am crazy. I mean, I already think about the day he gets married and leaves his mommy. Seriously crazy. (But that day does terrify me!)

Thank goodness I still have at least a good 17 years left with my sweet boy before any of that happens. So for now, I'll try to focus on each day and remind myself to hug him as tight as I can for as long as he'll let me.