Threenager

Sweet Cooper,

My how you have challenged us this year! And are continuing to challenge us. Your daddy and I remind ourselves daily that we are the best parents for you. Some days it is much harder than others. We are learning more and more about you every day. We used to think you were very flexible, but are starting to learn that you thrive on routine. Something your mom mom has said from day one, but we are starting to really see the effects of any changes. You are officially potty trained now, and that came with a lot of resistance, but in the end, only took a couple of months. You love to be the center of attention, and if there are too many people around, you tend to act out in order to ensure the attention is all on you. We are scratching our heads every day, trying new techniques to help you understand the importance of being respectful and making the right choices. Teaching character traits has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do so far. Mommy is learning a lot of patience and deep breathing techniques through it all. With a strong will comes a lot of manipulation, and I am struggling with balancing and picking my battles. Some days it feels as though I am fighting a never ending battle. And sometimes it feels that way for weeks on end. Nonstop. All day. Every day. And then there is a reprieve. And it's almost as if you are just as tired of the arguing as I am. You become my sweet, eager to please, helpful little boy. "Would you like some lunch?" "Sure, Mommy!" It is so refreshing to hear that sweet voice. When I want to say "You are driving me insane! I don't want to do this any more!" I try to remind myself to say "Cooper, come here, hug me, I love you very much" Maybe I think the answer to all of this is just smothering him with love. Maybe I just do it because I don't know what else to do, and I am terrified of him growing up remembering all the times I lost my patience or got insanely frustrated with him. But literally, when he is in the midst of his many refusals, I am at a loss. Especially when we are in public. What do I do? He is getting too big for me to just carry him out kicking and screaming. Any kind of bargaining makes it way worse. It just fuels the fire. It is embarrassing sometimes, I feel judged and completely out of control. But, at the end of the day, he always comes at me with his tiny little voice "mommy, i want you to snuggle with me" and then he'll run his hands up and down my arm and stroke my face. And I think about the days events and wonder what I could have done differently. I blame myself sometimes for the way he reacts in situations. I feel like a psych nurse sometimes because I am constantly running through my head potential outcomes of any given situation and what I should do to prevent certain things from happening. But the whole point of this post was to say - you are difficult, Cooper. But I know you were given to us for a reason. Your dad and I have nothing but wonderful intentions for you. We know you will be SO successful because of your drive and intelligence. And I want you to know that even when I am at my breaking point with you, I will always love you so, so much. You are my special boy. I love the smell of you sweaty head after a long day, when you're rubbing your earlobe against my arms. 'I wuv you mommy'.
I love you too, sweet boy. Always and forever.