6 months

Parenting still amazes me. There are so many surprises! Like, five weeks later, breastfeeding is still so painful. In the beginning, I was just focused on survival, and making sure my baby survived. Now, I just want to feel normal again. I thought the pain was on its way out a few weeks ago. And then I got a blister on one side. Now, both breasts are just killer all.the.time.

By the way, if you haven't figured this out already, this will probably be another TMI post :)

I've been to the Lactation Consultant who is also a Pediatrician, about 5 times in the past two weeks. I'm pretty sure she hates me, and whoever invented the internet - because I've diagnosed myself multiple times over these past painful weeks. I sound like a mental patient every time I see her, asking questions I should already know the answers to, and asking the same thing in about eight different ways.

Right after he was born, everyone kept saying 'it shouldn't hurt' and 'just get past the first two weeks'...well here I am at week five...and every time he latches, I taste blood it hurts so bad. I'm not even kidding. Then I think, is this normal? Is it supposed to feel like this and I'm just a huge wimp about it? Going anywhere in this cold weather is miserable - when already sore/cracked/bleeding/blistered nipples get cold, they still get hard...and holy cow, that hurts. So does getting out of the shower. Drying off. Anything touching them hurts. I dread feeding my baby, and I hate that I feel that way.

Last week, she mentioned that he could be slightly tongue tied. I didn't want to jump in to anything, and didn't want to put him through any unnecessary procedures if I wasn't sure it would work. But over the weekend, as the pain got worse and worse even though the blisters and cracks were almost healed, I decided we should try it. So today, he got a frenotomy. Not a big deal, and I've actually seen them done before where I worked. He fed right after, and I still felt pain, but I'm hoping over the next few days, it will get better as he relearns how to use his newfound tongue freedom. I pray it will get better. And I'm not the praying type of person. I want to be able to enjoy breastfeeding so bad, like everyone else seems to do. I don't want it to be so much of an ordeal every time I need to feed him. And I want to be able to feed him in public without making a grimace face and not being able to speak until it somewhat subsides.

I'm also faced with a new challenge of getting dressed. It seems, with breastfeeding, you can't really wear anything you want anymore. So it's a lot of nursing tank tops and sweaters. Probably another reason we don't go very many places anymore. Or maybe this is just another one of those things I think is a big deal, that looking back in a few months, I'll scoff at myself for being so dramatic. Ha.

So that's the main thing we've been dealing with over here. That, and what I think is normal growing pains to any new family. Jason and I both are very sensitive, and sometimes we both feel like the other person isn't doing anything to help out around the house or with the baby. When it comes to that kind of stuff, I think we just both need to grow up. But since we don't really do anything else, there's not much else to get mad about. Now, when we go back home, and he starts having full work days again, and I'm at home all day, I can see another argument brewing there. Which brings me to my next dilemma of whether or not I should return to work full time, part time, or not at all. I don't know if I'll be able to leave my baby for that long, but I also don't know what I'll do with myself staying home all day. I'm sure I'll be able to stay busy, but I'm not sure if it will be a good kind of staying busy. And by that I mean I'll probably do a lot of shopping and not enough working out kind of busy :)

In other news, Jasons mom is arriving in town this weekend from London, so we're excited to see her, and for that nice change of pace. Jason is supposed to be recognized at the high school we both graduated from, this Friday. The drama club is putting on a play, and apparently all the proceeds will be donated to the Wounded Warrior Project. My mom, who is wonderfully social, and still working in the school system even though she's been retired for 8 years, made sure to tell the drama teacher that there was a wounded warrior who graduated from King George. She of course didn't know this, because Jason hates to put himself out there, so no one in the county really knows, other than our family and family friends. So now he's been voluntold (an army term) to be recognized at one of their performances. They really want him to wear his uniform, and he is so not excited about that. He feels very uncomfortable in the spotlight, and does not want peoples sympathy. I wrote up a little bio about him, and his journey in the Army, but I haven't decided if I will read it, or if I will have my mother - the social butterfly, and puppeteer - read it instead.

His recovery is all but finished. We've sent out every pair of long pants he has (here) to be altered with zippers in the right pant leg. He only goes to occupational therapy three times a week now. Still waiting on final shrinking, and while he's up to 7 ply in socks, his leg is still very painful. It wasn't like this with the second socket, so I'm a little worried that too much pressure is being put on his shin bone which is fairly prominent now that his nub has shrunk so much. He takes his leg off pretty much any time he's sitting down for more than five minutes, and then it swells, and hurts even more when he goes to stand up on it again. I hope it gets better soon so he can get his carbon fiber socket. Everything is still a go to leave towards the end of March. I want to have a banner made and have someone hang it outside of our house before we get back in to town. Last summer, when I would walk Sadie through our neighborhood, another unit had just returned, and there were banners on what seemed like every other house welcoming their husband or daddy home. I think it will be nice to do this for him since I was planning to do it anyway.  I just have to figure out the logistics of getting it mailed out there and putting it up before we get back.

And of course, today is the 6 month mark of Jason's injury. "Half a year...geez" as he put it earlier today. But, if you think of all we've overcome, endured, and gotten through in the past half a year, it's really quite astonishing. And sometimes scary; I hope future years are slightly less eventful. We're so looking forward to the next half a year, though :)