I feel like I need to write another one because the last one left so many people way too excited! That was certainly not my intention, although we are both still really excited :) The doctor did mention that my membranes would likely rupture soon. Jason proceeded to look at his imaginary watch and say "Uh, like can you give me a time frame?"
I am not in active labor. I may be having a little back labor, and every now and then I feel a few contractions in my uterus, though neither are painful to say the least. Just slightly uncomfortable. I didn't realize that by telling people I was 3cm dilated and effaced, it would cause such a stir! I forget that this isn't normal for everyone, and just the word 'dilated' equals hospitalization to some.
Jason wore jeans today for the first time in a long time. He hasn't been able to because he usually has to add or take off a sock from his prosthetic. He can't access his leg when wearing jeans because they don't pull up high enough. We need to get them all altered. The pair he had altered are too small at the moment. He was wishfully thinking when sending them off...we bought two more pairs that will fit him so hopefully we can get them altered soon. Anyway, this is a big deal. He was starting to get stares in public, maybe because of the leg, or maybe because it's 30 degrees outside and he's wearing shorts and boat shoe sandals. All the layers that come with his prosthetic make him really hot too. But, since he's finally off all his medications, some of the sweating has subsided. It was nice to see him in pants. He looked handsome :) I mention this because the doctor had to ask at my appointment which one of us was military. Because he looked normal. Although now that I think about it, it could've been because my husband has grown quite the beard while being on con leave...either way...he looked normal. His fingers look a little mangled, but no one notices that anymore really.
All my nursing school friends came to visit tonight, equipped with dinner. I just hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night and throw any of it up. I really hate throwing up. I'm so lucky to have so many friends close by, even in our situation. At this point, I can't imagine being back in Colorado. If we were living in an ideal world, Jason would've been home on leave by now, and we'd still be sitting and waiting for baby. Mom and Dad probably would have flown out to be with me for a while too. Of course I'd have all my Colorado friends, but I wouldn't have all my wonderful Nursing School, "First Degree", and High School friends anywhere near me. It's truly amazing the silver lining that comes out of some situations. We got to spend another Christmas together, and at home with both of our families. We're going to get to spend some quality time with our families after the baby comes which will be wonderful. When you're in a military family, you feel like you always have to go visit everyone else, because you're the exception for living so far away. Now that we're here, it's actually feasible that people can come visit us!
Anyway, I wanted to write again because I want to remind myself of all the things we have to be grateful for. I remember a time, way back when Jason came to an appointment with me (while he was still inpatient) and they were worried about my cervix shortening too much too fast. We thought for certain I would deliver early, and I was convinced they'd put me on bed rest. I missed the GDM diagnosis by one point. Not necessarily a good thing, but considering my diet, I'm very, very lucky. I've only gained ~35lbs to date, and again, considering my diet, I'm very, very lucky. Now here I am, two days from my due date, already dilated to 3 when they told me it may be a very long labor for me, and I may not dilate for a long time. Jason has been out of the hospital for about three months, and is already off every single medication except the blood pressure one which was what he was on when he left. He's already got a prescription for a running leg, and will get a carbon fiber socket and every leg you can imagine when he comes off leave. He's signed up for the Tough Mudder in June in Colorado with all his battle buddies, and I'm very confident he'll do great. We just have to figure out which leg he'll use, and he'll probably need to splint the one finger.
I mean, really? You go from stepping on a land mine almost five months ago, and now we're thinking about the Tough Mudder (a 10 mile long obstacle course with 25 obstacles), a new baby, and going back home. Our lives were turned upside down, and we still think about the fact that they will never be the same, but we're so used to it now. We're used to the shower chair in the bathroom, and the crutches he'll always need to get in and out of the shower. The random nerve pains are still normal at night, and when he stretches the normal morning stretch, his right leg shakes uncontrollably because there's no real way to stretch that muscle anymore. I'm trying to make cocoa butter a part of his normal routine for all his scars, although I feel too much like a mother when I do that, but hell if I let these skin grafts get ruined. When he plays video games he takes his leg off, and has to prop it up on another chair because if he leaves it dangling off the chair too much, it starts hurting.
He is the exception. He is the one who brought us this far. His motivation is amazing, and he gets so tired sometimes, and so overwhelmed, but he always pushes through.
There is talk about cutting the military. Talk about scary. He always says he'd be one of the first to get cut if they do decide that. That scares me. I guess I can't worry about that now. And, if worse comes to worse, I should be thankful that I can always, always go back to work. I am just so grateful for him, and for us. We've grown so much closer through all of this. I know that even by writing these for everyone to read and follow, no one will truly understand what we've been through unless they've been through it themselves. But maybe there will be a few extra things those who read this will think about that they otherwise wouldn't have. To think about all those fights I put up about getting PCS'd here, and making sure our stuff got out here. How silly was I! So many things I was trying to control in this situation where we could have none. I just hope I can look forward more in the future, so that I won't be so uptight when dealing with uncontrollable situations. (I get this from my mother.)
And back to the baby, my wonderful friend wrote up a birth plan for us (we told her what to write, she loves writing lists :)) but we called it our birth 'wish list' as I do agree, birth plans are bad luck. And not to mention, they always piss the nurses off. "Oh great, she has a birth plan. Ugh, she's one of them." I'm guilty. I hated when parents wanted to follow me with their baby while I took him or her at midnight to do their assessment and night time stuff. I will likely do the same thing. Ha. In our case, we are not ignorant, and so therefore, I guess we cannot be blissful! I don't intend on waving it around for all to see, but if there's ever a point when I cannot speak, and Jason doesn't know what to tell them, he can at least show them that.
One last cute dad-to-be saying...while walking to the grocery store, I'm explaining that when we finally do decided to go to the hospital, we only need the bags, we don't need to bring the stroller/car seat right away. (Yes, we're bringing the stroller because we're literally walking to the hospital, and will walk back here to our 'apartment' upon discharge.) So I tell him that he probably doesn't need to get that until they move me to my postpartum room and then if he wants he can come back and shower and get it then.
Him: "But, where will the baby be if I leave to come back here?"
Me: "Probably in the room with me."
Him: "What if it's the middle of the night? What if you're sleeping?"
Me: "So?"
Him: "Who will watch the baby?"
Me: "Well he'll be in the room with me, probably asleep too..."
Him: "Well in the Army they teach us that when you guard something you have to stay awake to do it!"
Me: "You're going to be very tired then!"
I just love new dads. They're so cute. Especially my handsome husband!
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