Back in October, right after we were discharged, we found the events office and learned about all the events they had to offer. We signed up that week to go to the Pentagon but we were on the waiting list. We got a call saying we could go, but we ended up not being allowed because he was still inprocessing to his attached unit here, and we had to go to a mandatory brief that same day. It wasn't as big of a deal then because we didn't think we'd be able to get off the waiting list anyway, and we were really busy with all the appointments and inprocessing after just being discharged. They only do the Pentagon tours every other month, so we were stoked when we saw it back on the list again for December. Perfect. Right before the baby gets here, and he really wanted to go. We were among the first on the list, and have been counting on this trip for at least two weeks. It's all we've been looking forward to this week, which has gone by like molasses. We've told his PT and OT that we won't be here on Friday because we're going on the tour, and were so careful not to schedule any other appointments for that day.
He gets a text this afternoon. (The tour is tomorrow) "Confirm your appointment for bone scan at 1430 tomorrow." WTF. Who scheduled this appointment?? Why didn't they call us first? I understand he's in the military and 'owned by the government' but give him a break. Where's the morale? It was his nurse case manager who was texting him. This man who we have to meet with every Monday morning to be sure Jason still isn't suicidal or homicidal and doesn't need any appointments. If he does, he's supposed to make them for him. Fat chance. We ended up making his last appointment ourselves because it took this guy two days to do it; and it was for a med refill, so not something we can just sit on. He has been trying to get an appointment for a bone scan so he can be approved for running. They told us they were booked through January. But there is a special guy who squeezes them in anyway. This special guy is out sick all week, so we were going to call next week to schedule the appointment for right before we go on leave. Somehow, someone made this appointment for tomorrow, instead. An appointment that will last all of 15 minutes I'm sure.
Now, I know I'm supposed to be all happy and excited that he's got this appointment even though they told us they were booked through January. But, I'm a negative person. And I can totally see us showing up tomorrow for this 15 minute appointment, and the mean lady at the desk will say "you're not showing up in the system." like she did last time. If this happens, I will probably lose my mind. So, we missed an awesome, once in a lifetime, full day tour of the Pentagon for this bullshit.
He texted his case manager back and told him about the scheduled trip, and he told him he had to go to this 'hard to schedule appointment, the pentagon can be rescheduled.' It must be the selfishness in me, but the bone scan can be done 5 days a week. They only do this tour 6 times a year. And so that means the next time they do it, the baby will be here, and I can't see myself taking a newborn on an all day tour. Yeah, let's breastfeed in the middle of the Pentagon. Awesome.
Why no phone call? Why do they think we just sit here ready to go to appointments all day long? Why do we have to drop everything else we have planned for these stupid appointments? Where is the mental wellbeing coming in to play here? I really wanted to go on this trip, maybe more than him, so maybe that's why I'm so upset about it. We've been to the White House twice, but they were both self guided tours, we have yet to be able to get on the official tour where you meet the president and all that. Why? Because of appointments.
He won't fight it though, which I guess I can't push him on, it's his career. And I guess that's why I'm not in the military. I, apparently, don't do well with authority. I wanted to go give this guy a piece of my mind, but he wouldn't let me. I just don't get how he can be so complacent about these things. I was like, utterly crushed that we couldn't go. I am going to be biting my tongue tomorrow morning as we walk by the bus with police escort just to go to the appointments that we already told them we won't be at. And then twiddle our thumbs until 1430.
Why do I let things make me this upset? If this bone scan is the correct one, then I should be happy that he's one step closer to being approved for running, getting the running leg, and getting out of here. But instead, I stewed all afternoon, and pouted, and was so mad I wanted to scream, but figured it would do no good. All the while, he just goes along with his day like it doesn't bother him, and that just makes me even more mad. I know if I ask him, he'll say "There's nothing I can do about it, sitting here being mad isn't going to help anything." And there's logic in that statement, but my brain doesn't work that way I guess.
So, I officially hate it here. I hate the people, and I hate the reasons that we're here. I hate that all they preach is morale and mental health, and get involved! And then they make it freaking impossible. We're signed up to go to the Army/Navy game Saturday, but I suppose I shouldn't get too excited about that until we're on the bus to go.
And all day tomorrow, I will walk around with a scowl on my face, insanely bitter that I'm not at the pentagon meeting super important people and all that fun stuff.
That doesn't help him any, and it certainly doesn't make for a very friendly wife. I hate that I do this, and react this way in these situations. I hate that everyone in the universe can tell when I'm beyond pissed. How do people put on those fake happy faces all the time and go about their business like grown ups? I'm still so, so childish, I think.
Then I try to remember why we're here, and how it was 4 months ago, and how distraught I was about much bigger things. I need to always keep that fresh in my memory. Because missing a tour at the Pentagon is not the end of the world. But today, it was for me.
1 comment:
Been there done that girl. I am so sorry. The disappointment never ends at that place. We finished the rest of the med board by driving back and forth from our new home 8 hours away. He was at WRAMC one day and he left to come back home as their was nothing to do. An hour he came back home they told him he had to be back in the morning. We drove through the night to get there and it was a freaking security clearance for the FBI internship he was doing. It could have been done over the phone. I was livid! He also lost the job we moved here for because they were always calling him back.
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