Oh, so this thought just came to me. Literally, just now.

"I'm tired of being in this murky place in my life"

I think I had that thought because I looked at Lizzz's status on Facebook, and it said that she "loves her life <3" (yes heart and everything)

And I thought, "man, she is always happy, always bubbly, maybe I should go to church and I'd be that way too"

Except for then I thought "that's silly, why do I think that just because people go to church, they have happier, bubblier lives? it's almost stereotypical of me, and i hate that"

So, back to the original thought of the murk. It sucks. For the past 24 years, it's been the same routine. And now I'm about to go in to uncharted, even more disgusting murky waters. In fact, it's so murky, I don't even think you'd call it water.

It's scary. I can't say that I'm a huge fan of it. To get a job? In a career that I'm learning (even though I kind of already knew) is crazy dangerous and scary. (I'm currently regretting my decision)

To move to a place I've never been, just because of some silly idea in my head a few years back?

To go somewhere in a relationship I sure as hell have never been? (but of course, i have always wanted to go)

Why can't my posts be so happy and bubbly and positive like everyone elses?